a handshake of carbon monoxide

suss_x_fett @ 2005-03-23T21:23:00

2005-03-24T03:28:36Z

the people you love will turn their backs on you.
you'll lose your hair, your teeth, your knife will fall out of its sheath.
but you still don't like to leave before the end of the movie.
the people you hate will get their hooks into you.
they'll pull you down, you'll frown, they'll tar you &drag you through town.
but you still don't like to leave before the end of the movie.
no, you still don't like to leave before the end of the show.

+babies and balloons+

suss_x_fett @ 2005-03-16T22:38:00

2005-03-17T04:43:03Z

i'm working on me.

today, the policeman @school was walking in front of me. i had horrible fantasies of myself taking the perfectly placed gun off the side of his belt that emphasized his stomach fat. i was becoming so scared after every image of myself, thinking that i actually had done it.

but what a thrill.

it is strange to think that one single movement of the human body can produce a small bullet to extract from a protection device and completely take away an entire life. it is amazing and thoroughly frightening.

birth&death
birth: there's nothing. &then two people come together &create a living thing. a being that thrives, feels emotion, becomes sick, &produces tears. breath. life that contains its own heart.
death: there is a living thing, which under certain circumstances, will inevitably stop.. being. just stop. be nothing. encompass none of the qualities that it had been given through birth.

all the health and sex education classes will never bring me the ability to fathom life.

A Cycle.

17yearsold

2005-03-16T05:13:23Z

.brandon, come back to chicago.

i'm going nuts, most likely.

suss_x_fett @ 2005-03-12T01:53:00

2005-03-12T07:54:10Z

Interpol
.was amazing.

i'm currently the most happy &tired girl alive.

goodnight chicago.

suss_x_fett @ 2005-03-08T01:19:00

2005-03-08T07:45:15Z

his gun &his mouth have a date on his birthday...

i don't know how much more time is left.
the day, for me, is a mystery.
there's just so much for me to get done.

but when does it need to be done by?
&will there be a bullet left for me?

AHHHHHHHH

death.is.not.the.end

2005-03-07T07:30:40Z

i'm quite ready for my life to end.

my miserable factor is currently unbelievable.

suss_x_fett @ 2005-02-27T00:17:00

2005-02-27T06:20:10Z

Radiohead
the first piece of art for sale♥
..for the Free Tibet Campaign

it is starting @ 600 pounds.
sincerely wish it were mine.

suss_x_fett @ 2005-02-21T00:13:00

2005-02-21T06:16:18Z

tonight, i'll cry.

suss_x_fett @ 2005-02-10T23:57:00

2005-02-11T06:03:45Z

currently, nothing is running smoothly.

[[h2oh2oh2oh2oh2oh2oh2oh2oh2o]]

i watched Friday Night Lights &enjoyed it very much. one of my teachers lifted up her shirt today to show us she doesn't own a bellybutton @ the moment because of her pregnancy. i found that extremely creepy &maybe illegal?

it scares me too

2005-01-30T08:02:56Z

.

the house is so quiet when i'm alone.

suss_x_fett @ 2005-01-23T23:29:00

2005-01-24T05:34:25Z

hey kiddo
hope everthing went smoothly.
i enjoyed sleeping.
you're pretty when you sleep.

[[i wish i could buy back the woman you stole]]

@ 1:30 pm.. an awful experience

2005-01-21T01:57:30Z

no idea where he came from. couldn't tell you about his family. his childhood a mystery. don't know about his mind. especially his thoughts. can't speak of his current status. how he managed or how he lived. above all, i don't even know his name but..

i saw him commit suicide today.

we have got to get it together

2005-01-14T19:42:22Z

he's got the works & he gives you sweet taste

[i let my music take me where my heart wants to go]

suss_x_fett @ 2005-01-13T19:20:00

2005-01-13T19:29:16Z

this pain is unbearable.

but i'm like totally happy Jane Wiedlin is on the new Surreal Life

suss_x_fett @ 2005-01-11T22:28:00

2005-01-12T04:50:46Z

just another day of school. out to lunch with friends & strange encounters. home by 4:30. she walks in the front door. unties her Chucky T's & leaves them @ the front step that her mother free-handed "100,000 welcomes" in Gaelic. tiptoes through the house to her bedroom, in order to avoid the family who'd rather it be that way, while skimming each room to note the days chores. opens the wooden door. photographs on the bed. an old bucket of pens and pencils on the dresser. she knows where it's all from. drops her bag. reminders of a childhood home. so much has changed. photographs still glossed with the occassional fingerprint. pencils all sharpened to a neat point. she can't breath. and it means everything.

me & pat

: why are you eh?
: my head
: all day ive felt like shit physically and mentally
: it's just one day :-)
: yea
: pat
: yes
: we're going to be ok
: you know
: yeah, we are
: you know...when you go to......... oregon is it?
: yes
: when you go there, id really like it if you call me...or write to me
: :'(
: i've known i'm going to live there since 3rd grade
: and you're the only person who has said that to me
: emma + pat = friends fo life

suss_x_fett @ 2005-01-10T15:03:00

2005-01-10T21:03:50Z

2005 resolution: Forget about Ben.

it might not be a lot, but i feel like i'm making the most

suss_x_fett @ 2005-01-09T18:13:00

2005-01-10T00:16:58Z

we've no time for later, now. you can't await your own arrival.

20 seconds to comply

suss_x_fett @ 2005-01-06T02:47:00

2005-01-06T08:48:49Z

bill just called me: avant-garde

rather than offend, it made me laugh. like really hard. </font>
what a superb word.

suss_x_fett @ 2005-01-05T00:04:00

2005-01-05T06:09:55Z

sometimes i feel so happy. sometimes i feel so sad. sometimes i feel so happy, but mostly, you just make me mad. you just make me mad. linger on, your pale blue eyes. thought of you as my mountain top. thought of you as my peak. thought of you as everything i've had but couldn't keep. if i could make the world as pure and strange as what i see, i'd put you in the mirror i put in front of me. skip a life completely, stuff it in a cup. she said, "money is like us in time. it lies but can't stand up". down for you is up. it was good what we did yesterday, and i'd do it once again. the fact that you are married, only proves that you're my best friend. but it's truly a sin.

linger on.

suss_x_fett @ 2005-01-03T14:28:00

2005-01-03T20:28:43Z

jennifer & i are going to work @ a crayon factory.

suss_x_fett @ 2005-01-02T18:15:00

2005-01-03T00:15:54Z

new years went 80s.

suss_x_fett @ 2004-12-30T07:45:00

2004-12-30T13:46:43Z

my uncle got 9 for 10 on fakeornot.com

suss_x_fett @ 2004-12-28T19:51:00

2004-12-29T01:53:23Z

.

Matthew Zugenbuehler

&&

Kaleb Jones

ARE COMING TO TOWN!

bejealous. they're MY friends, notyours.

suss_x_fett @ 2004-12-26T03:46:00

2004-12-26T09:49:59Z

listen.

i thought this appropriate for my em's. don't get defensive... yes, it is to mean the obvious, that you listen before you leap, fearless, into young adulthood. particularly listen to those who love you and have no other agenda than your health and wellbeing, both physical and emotional.

but it is also to serve as a reminder that others listen to you... intently and with respect. for what you have to say is important and unique and profound. and as those around you are reminded to respect all that you are and all that you believe in, please choose your words wisely and compassionately and with solemn thought. for words are our greatest currency. what a treasure.

i love you, dear lulu.

mom

suss_x_fett @ 2004-12-22T12:37:00

2004-12-22T18:37:54Z

edit 12/22/04 11:57 pm: ~~i stalk my ex-boyfriend~~

he's retarded.